it's cartoon week here on my ironman fundraiser blog.
i have just had a well earned rest week after a good training block. i didn't do much. it was kind of enjoyable. a rest week for me means i exercise only a little bit more than the average person. and i might even have a few days when i do nothing.
rest weeks can be some of the most difficult weeks. they can have quite a rich and varied emotional topography. at first, maybe you can't wait to get back to training. then, after a few days, you see how nice it is to only spend one hour working out. think of all the other things you can do! then you feel like you are losing fitness and panic sets it. if you get past that, then you can enter a dangerous place, and that is a place where you actually start to enjoy normal life again. God forbid, you might relax a bit too much and lose some motivation. then you could become like everyone else...a happy couch potato, someone who does not work out tiwce a day. you might even enjoy it.
and to put a perspective on the above, i still work out much more than the average active person on a "rest week".
this week, there was travel involved. i got sick. i ended up spending two whole days with no workouts. i actually missed a couple scheduled workouts...and i enjoyed it. it is the enjoyment of those rest days that has me worried. i am like an orthodox jew who just discovered the joys of bacon. what if i lose my faith?
it is amazing how single-minded, pig headed, upside down and self centered you can become while training for an ironman.triatlhon training is like a cross between a religion and an addiciton. a reliction. i truly understand the guy in the cartoon below who wants to quit his job and go pro. i have known people who "dropped out" to do yoga, or join ashrams, or travel. it is the same desire for self discovery, the same search for meaning, and the same sense that one has found a vehicle, a way out of the golden cage (with rusty bars) that is modern, domestic life. it is the same push to wake up and find out what life can be outside of the matrix. except that, for most triathletes, the "escape" never really takes us anywhere outisde of the matrix. we get short fixes, we take soma vacations and then we return, and often the stress build up is even greater than before we left. things are undone. meetings were missed. notes are undone. the driveway needs shovelling. there are "agents" after us....
i understand the current that pulls you to a point where, like a heroin addict, you could be willing to sacrifice everything; job, money, friends, family; to lose your balance and to become a full time addict. A serotonin rush is a powerful thing. endorphins attach to opioid receptors in your brain, the same ones used by drugs like heroin, or codeine, some of the most highly addictive drugs in the world. so we really are like junkies after a while. i can think of many times when i was irritable and "jonesing" all day, until i got on my bike...
i have an idea for a reality show. the friends, families and employers of real life ironman triathletes get together to confront the ironman, training addict and stage an intervention. there could be a spin off where a group of recovering tri-addicts live in a half way house as they "tri" to stay clean and adjust back to normal life.
the cartoons below express some of this is in a way that i simply can't. i thought they were quite funny and i hope you do as well.
and remember...THIS IS A FUND RAISING BLOG so help out the addict. help him find meaning in his addiction. please donate to the leukemia and lymphoma society so he can feel good about his next fix.
http://my.e2rm.com/personalPage.aspx?registrationID=1047857&langPref=en-CA
ok, enough of rest week. i can't wait to get back at it!
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
Confessions of a Hypochondriac
i am sure that having had cancer instilled a type of post traumatic stress reaction in which i don't ever quite take for granted that everything is going to work properly.
this is my fourth year in triathlon. in four years, i have toured my muskoskeletal syetem via aches and pains. i have learned about my knee, ankle,shins, shoulder, hip, lower back. i have discovered my achilles, biceps brachialis, pectorals, quads, hamstrings, popliteals, soleus, flexor digitorum longus, piriformis, ilio-tibial band and most recently, my plantar fascia.
there is scarcely a part of my body that i have not felt pain in, and being who i am, i have tended at times, to catastrophize. i have read voraciously about these parts of my body, and about common, horrible injuries that stop people in their tracks. injuries that crush ironman dreams. i have feared them all. i have iced them into submission until i got ice burns. i have consumed vast quantities of homeopathic anti-inflammatories, i have purchased rollers, tapes, compression socks, creams, gels. i have learned about running shoe construction, about cycling cleats and knee pains, about bike fitting. i have studied tai chi running, barefoot running, mid-foot running; every kind of running. i have learned (the hard way) about how not to use swimming paddles. i have gone for massage, chiropractic, accupuncture, sports medicine, bike fitting, physiotherapy. i have even had an MRI scan.
i am positive that i am not alone. it must be that anyone stupid enough to try to become an ironman athlete has had a similar journey through their body with pain as the tour-guide. it certainly does take a certain type of masochism to enjoy endurance sports. but that is only one part of the story.
in the past four years, i have learned how well my body heals. i have learned how to help it heal and i have begun to develop a faith in my body's ability to recover and to get stronger and stronger. and i have seen other benefits. i don't get sick as often, for example.
philosophies the world over, have posited the existence of a dynamic tension between creative and destructive forces in the universe, that keeps everything moving and progressing. training has become, for me, the practical living out of this very idea.
triathlon training has, at times, been a playground for my hypochondriacal tendencies. but it has also helped me to appreciate the delicate blalance between stress and adpatation in my body, and to develop a sense of faith in that. training is all about breaking things down, stressing them, and then doing what is necessary to reap the benfit of all that trauma you have just inflicted on yourself, ie. recovery/building back up.
thus, part of this road has been learning to live within this process, trusting it, and finding a balance point.
this is my fourth year in triathlon. in four years, i have toured my muskoskeletal syetem via aches and pains. i have learned about my knee, ankle,shins, shoulder, hip, lower back. i have discovered my achilles, biceps brachialis, pectorals, quads, hamstrings, popliteals, soleus, flexor digitorum longus, piriformis, ilio-tibial band and most recently, my plantar fascia.
there is scarcely a part of my body that i have not felt pain in, and being who i am, i have tended at times, to catastrophize. i have read voraciously about these parts of my body, and about common, horrible injuries that stop people in their tracks. injuries that crush ironman dreams. i have feared them all. i have iced them into submission until i got ice burns. i have consumed vast quantities of homeopathic anti-inflammatories, i have purchased rollers, tapes, compression socks, creams, gels. i have learned about running shoe construction, about cycling cleats and knee pains, about bike fitting. i have studied tai chi running, barefoot running, mid-foot running; every kind of running. i have learned (the hard way) about how not to use swimming paddles. i have gone for massage, chiropractic, accupuncture, sports medicine, bike fitting, physiotherapy. i have even had an MRI scan.
i am positive that i am not alone. it must be that anyone stupid enough to try to become an ironman athlete has had a similar journey through their body with pain as the tour-guide. it certainly does take a certain type of masochism to enjoy endurance sports. but that is only one part of the story.
in the past four years, i have learned how well my body heals. i have learned how to help it heal and i have begun to develop a faith in my body's ability to recover and to get stronger and stronger. and i have seen other benefits. i don't get sick as often, for example.
philosophies the world over, have posited the existence of a dynamic tension between creative and destructive forces in the universe, that keeps everything moving and progressing. training has become, for me, the practical living out of this very idea.
triathlon training has, at times, been a playground for my hypochondriacal tendencies. but it has also helped me to appreciate the delicate blalance between stress and adpatation in my body, and to develop a sense of faith in that. training is all about breaking things down, stressing them, and then doing what is necessary to reap the benfit of all that trauma you have just inflicted on yourself, ie. recovery/building back up.
thus, part of this road has been learning to live within this process, trusting it, and finding a balance point.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Heavy Metal Motivation
i am a big metal fan at heart. i grew up in the 80's, in a small town, so being into heavy metal was almost as natural as breathing. your choices were to have soul, and rock n roll, or to be soul-less and new age/disco (fact is i did both, cause i listened to lots of new age when no-one was looking)
when i was 16 i would have told you that ironman was a song by black sabbath. i might have even told you that the race in hawaii was named after the song.
i still listen to my fair share of heavy metal when i am training, but that is not the point.
below, i have posted the trailer for a movie about the band anvil. i had the opportunity to watch it this weekend, under unusual circumstances; while on an overnight at work and being called out continuously to do various unsavory things...and i must say it is one of the most strangely moving and inspiring films i have seen.
anvil are two jewish boys from toronto who have pursued the dream of being rock stars together for over thirty years...mostly without success. but they have kept trying, and trying, and trying and trying...when most people really would have given up, they kept trying. not necessarily even believing, just trying.
the story of anvil is a movie about never losing your dreams. it is about how pursuing your dream can affect everyone else around you. it is about how unexpected things can happen when you least expect them. and, it is about the value of every moment of life.
as lips, the lead singer, says, "we have to do it now.....we are running out of time". and that is true for everyone.
i took so much motivation away from this strange, funny and inspiring movie, i had to share it with all 5 people who will read this blog!
when i was 16 i would have told you that ironman was a song by black sabbath. i might have even told you that the race in hawaii was named after the song.
i still listen to my fair share of heavy metal when i am training, but that is not the point.
below, i have posted the trailer for a movie about the band anvil. i had the opportunity to watch it this weekend, under unusual circumstances; while on an overnight at work and being called out continuously to do various unsavory things...and i must say it is one of the most strangely moving and inspiring films i have seen.
anvil are two jewish boys from toronto who have pursued the dream of being rock stars together for over thirty years...mostly without success. but they have kept trying, and trying, and trying and trying...when most people really would have given up, they kept trying. not necessarily even believing, just trying.
the story of anvil is a movie about never losing your dreams. it is about how pursuing your dream can affect everyone else around you. it is about how unexpected things can happen when you least expect them. and, it is about the value of every moment of life.
as lips, the lead singer, says, "we have to do it now.....we are running out of time". and that is true for everyone.
i took so much motivation away from this strange, funny and inspiring movie, i had to share it with all 5 people who will read this blog!
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Groundhog Day...
has come and gone. and i don't think that he saw his shadow this year, so six more weeks of winter? is that right?
it has me thinking about the bill murray movie by the same name, in which he is condemned to live the same day over and over again. at first, he enjoys the predictability, then it becomes hellish, then, finally, he begins to, once again, see meaning in things; in spite of, or maybe even because of, the repetition and predictability. he is able to find what is creative and human in his situation, even though it is a dystopian trap. i hate to repeat an aphorism, but...so as in life, so as in ironman training...same day, over and over.
except that is not really true. is it? things are in constant motion. same day, but never really.
my coach has been quoted as saying that ironman training is the same week, over and over and over again.
does this ever ring more true than now?, during base training in the northern hemisphere? same walls, same tv, same me. over, and over and over. and what choice do we have but to give up or to find the hidden sources of creativity and humanity within the repetition?
training has been going well. life is hectic. everything seems to happen indoors or else your fingers freeze and hurt for the rest of the day. work is busy. every workout is like a choice not to do something else for someone else. no-one really seems to understand or empathize with all this ironman bullshit. so workouts become something near clandestine. they are a source of joy, pain, guilt, triumph, agony, boredom, epiphany, prolific gas, frustration, liberation, complication, narcissistic fantasy...and nightmare. yes. all that. aren't they all of that for you?
and this leads, inevitably, to existential issues. at least for me it does. like why am i doing this? why am i becoming a pain in the ass fund-raising menace? lots of people have had cancer. who really cares???
I DO.
it has me thinking about the bill murray movie by the same name, in which he is condemned to live the same day over and over again. at first, he enjoys the predictability, then it becomes hellish, then, finally, he begins to, once again, see meaning in things; in spite of, or maybe even because of, the repetition and predictability. he is able to find what is creative and human in his situation, even though it is a dystopian trap. i hate to repeat an aphorism, but...so as in life, so as in ironman training...same day, over and over.
except that is not really true. is it? things are in constant motion. same day, but never really.
my coach has been quoted as saying that ironman training is the same week, over and over and over again.
does this ever ring more true than now?, during base training in the northern hemisphere? same walls, same tv, same me. over, and over and over. and what choice do we have but to give up or to find the hidden sources of creativity and humanity within the repetition?
training has been going well. life is hectic. everything seems to happen indoors or else your fingers freeze and hurt for the rest of the day. work is busy. every workout is like a choice not to do something else for someone else. no-one really seems to understand or empathize with all this ironman bullshit. so workouts become something near clandestine. they are a source of joy, pain, guilt, triumph, agony, boredom, epiphany, prolific gas, frustration, liberation, complication, narcissistic fantasy...and nightmare. yes. all that. aren't they all of that for you?
and this leads, inevitably, to existential issues. at least for me it does. like why am i doing this? why am i becoming a pain in the ass fund-raising menace? lots of people have had cancer. who really cares???
I DO.
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