things were going well during last week's rest week, until sunday morning. overnight, my throat was sore, i felt sneezy. nothing too bad. frustrating. how can this happen? i felt fine. it was a frickin rest week for G-d's sake.
i tried to see if i could run through it. i had a great run, but the weekend was too busy, i was under-rested, and that little bugger of a virus took hold and started to proliferate in my nose and my head.
what this meant, was some quick decisions. i am (i think) getting smarter. i skipped monday entirely. stayed at home tuesday and slept as much as i could.
it is hard not to play a numbers game at this stage. "i missed four hours, this week will be short a couple of hours" etc. it is hard not the chase numbers. ironman is not very far away and numbers do matter. the most important ones are 140.6, and 2011/8/28. neither of these is negotiable. and to some exetent, neither are the numbers that come before in training. unless i want to be caught with my spandex down, that is. but feel is important also. seeing the overall picture is important. and so is tolerating the frustration of inactivity and over-eating (ok that part was optional) sometimes, in the cause of a greater good.
i imagine that being successful in ironman requires lots of seeing the big picture and tolerating frustration. as in training, so in race day. and there is a certain amount of gambling. more rest? try a workout? what will result in greater fitness in the bank?, less time off? it is like deciding whether to take the collector or express lanes when you see a traffic jam ahead. it is a gamble.
so maybe this little virus wasn't too bad if it taught me some good lessons?
but viruses piss me off because they emphasize the uncertainty that is life. one day fine. the next, sick.
so i was told, it might have been one little prick of a virus that probably caused my hodgkin's disease by altering my dna.
viruses are the most abundant biological entity on earth, yet they are not quite alive. apparently they play a role in evolution by faciliatating horizontal gene transfer, which increases genetic diversity. so what is bad for the individual may be good for the population. this is an interesting thing to ponder...but i still hate viruses.
.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
IRONMAN RAPTURE
according to some, the world will end on May 21st.
or at least it will be the beginning of the end. THE RAPTURE.
i have seen much about this on the net and most people don't seem to realize that the rapture and the end of the world are not the same thing. the rapture is actually a gathering of good souls into the sky to escape the imminent suffering which is coming below. the tribulation before the end.
it is also a great song by blondie...
on May 21st there are also two ironman races: texas and lanzarote. there is also a 70.3 race in austria. this would signify that there are a number of people who don't seem to think it will be the end of the world that day. just another day of torture in ironman purgatory; and throw in some tribulation too. anyone who has even been in a mass swim start knows what these terms mean first hand.
lanzarote is famed to be be one of the toughest ironman's on the planet. it is the ultimate form of ironman suffering yet people go back, year after year. not one of these people want to escape the suffering. they crave it. no rapture seekers there. in fact, i think alot of ironman contenders would be a bit put off if all of their training came to nothing and they were suddenly lifted into the sky (or to the finish line, or the finish line in the sky, as it were).
according to one source, only 0.03% of the christian population believe that the rapture is tomorrow. that would be 6 930 000 people. alot more people than those doing ironman races tomorrow, which would be somewhere around 5000.it seems alot more people are hoping for a release from suffering and tribulation tomorrow than immersion in it. alot more people believe they will ascend into the sky and escape all evil, than those who will voluntarily suffer in the depths of their bodies and souls in the furnace(s) of texas and lanzarote tomorrow.
and what if the rapture is just symbolic? what if it is a metaphor for being saved from suffering because you believed?, what if it is just about being free from the tribulations of evil, in your head? what if the same thing can be achieved by going head first into the eye of the storm? what if bhudda was right and all life is suffering? only suffering can lead you to freedom from suffering. if this is true, then ironman can be a rapture in itself.
there is one consolation in all of this for me. according to most, the actual end of the world may not come for as long as 7 years after the rapture, so ironman canada this year is still safe. all of my suffering can still lead to the ultimate suffering/joy on august 28th in the okanagan. whew!
i am glad i bought gels for my long ride on monday...
or at least it will be the beginning of the end. THE RAPTURE.
i have seen much about this on the net and most people don't seem to realize that the rapture and the end of the world are not the same thing. the rapture is actually a gathering of good souls into the sky to escape the imminent suffering which is coming below. the tribulation before the end.
it is also a great song by blondie...
on May 21st there are also two ironman races: texas and lanzarote. there is also a 70.3 race in austria. this would signify that there are a number of people who don't seem to think it will be the end of the world that day. just another day of torture in ironman purgatory; and throw in some tribulation too. anyone who has even been in a mass swim start knows what these terms mean first hand.
lanzarote is famed to be be one of the toughest ironman's on the planet. it is the ultimate form of ironman suffering yet people go back, year after year. not one of these people want to escape the suffering. they crave it. no rapture seekers there. in fact, i think alot of ironman contenders would be a bit put off if all of their training came to nothing and they were suddenly lifted into the sky (or to the finish line, or the finish line in the sky, as it were).
according to one source, only 0.03% of the christian population believe that the rapture is tomorrow. that would be 6 930 000 people. alot more people than those doing ironman races tomorrow, which would be somewhere around 5000.it seems alot more people are hoping for a release from suffering and tribulation tomorrow than immersion in it. alot more people believe they will ascend into the sky and escape all evil, than those who will voluntarily suffer in the depths of their bodies and souls in the furnace(s) of texas and lanzarote tomorrow.
and what if the rapture is just symbolic? what if it is a metaphor for being saved from suffering because you believed?, what if it is just about being free from the tribulations of evil, in your head? what if the same thing can be achieved by going head first into the eye of the storm? what if bhudda was right and all life is suffering? only suffering can lead you to freedom from suffering. if this is true, then ironman can be a rapture in itself.
there is one consolation in all of this for me. according to most, the actual end of the world may not come for as long as 7 years after the rapture, so ironman canada this year is still safe. all of my suffering can still lead to the ultimate suffering/joy on august 28th in the okanagan. whew!
i am glad i bought gels for my long ride on monday...
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
HALF WAY THERE
in terms of time, i am now just over half way along this road to penticton.
18 weeks behind me, 16 to go.
if i was on a literal road, it would be the I-94 and i would be passing by Bismark North Dakota.
as it turns out, i was once about three hours due south during another road trip, at Al's Oasis, in south Dakota and it looked like this.
this is the gateway to the west. frontier-land. home of dances with wolves and grazing bison. it is a flat, barren countryside that is both austere and beautiful. by this time in a road trip, you are immersed in the road. you are humbled by what you are doing (driving across north america), and you feel simultaneously trapped and liberated by the process (at least i did). this is the part of a road trip where things get philosophical. it is where you see demons, angels, and buddhas on the roadside and realize that they are all really with-in you.
in other words, at this point on the real road to penticton, it would be a good time and place for reflection. the same is true for this virtual road i have been documenting. even if i am still here in toronto, i am in bismark in my head in ironman terms. i have come pretty far, but there is still lots of road ahead. and that is both daunting and exciting. i have entered into the frontier and the wild west lays ahead, full of beautiful vistas, red rock canyons, rattlesnakes and sandstorms.
training is stepping up. in the past 36 hours, i have trained as much as i slept . i am learning that there are doorways to worlds of energy beyond fatigue and there are holes that offer nothing but weight on your head. find the doors, avoid the holes.
life seems more balanced. training fits somehow, silently asserting itself. but not that important. my daughter is walking. she is pointing. her laughs, her steps, her smiles, make everything else seem very very very small.
fund-raising is a dog from hell. it is very hard to get people to part with money. you have to forget about not being a pain in the ass. you have to swallow pride. there is a kind of zen to it, you really can't care what people think. and i can't claim any great success so far. and thanks to everyone who has donated to the LLS.
ironman is about keeping moving. it is about momentum. pacing. balance. it is feeding yourself, just enough and with the right stuff. it is about your ego and how not to let it get in the way. it is about doing things you really did not think were possible, but not by being grandiose. you have to be realistic. if you dream too hard, you will lose. if you dream just enough, and you have one foot solidly in the reality of who and what you are at the most basic of levels, and you know what you can ask of yourself and what you cannot, then you might succeed.
and here i am, halfway along the road...and it still seems daunting, not quite possible and i wonder to myself how i am going to do this??? i don't know...but i am far enough along the road that going back is not possible, yet going further is still quite frightening. and there are quite a few demons, angels and buddhas on the horizon
18 weeks behind me, 16 to go.
if i was on a literal road, it would be the I-94 and i would be passing by Bismark North Dakota.
as it turns out, i was once about three hours due south during another road trip, at Al's Oasis, in south Dakota and it looked like this.
in other words, at this point on the real road to penticton, it would be a good time and place for reflection. the same is true for this virtual road i have been documenting. even if i am still here in toronto, i am in bismark in my head in ironman terms. i have come pretty far, but there is still lots of road ahead. and that is both daunting and exciting. i have entered into the frontier and the wild west lays ahead, full of beautiful vistas, red rock canyons, rattlesnakes and sandstorms.
training is stepping up. in the past 36 hours, i have trained as much as i slept . i am learning that there are doorways to worlds of energy beyond fatigue and there are holes that offer nothing but weight on your head. find the doors, avoid the holes.
life seems more balanced. training fits somehow, silently asserting itself. but not that important. my daughter is walking. she is pointing. her laughs, her steps, her smiles, make everything else seem very very very small.
fund-raising is a dog from hell. it is very hard to get people to part with money. you have to forget about not being a pain in the ass. you have to swallow pride. there is a kind of zen to it, you really can't care what people think. and i can't claim any great success so far. and thanks to everyone who has donated to the LLS.
ironman is about keeping moving. it is about momentum. pacing. balance. it is feeding yourself, just enough and with the right stuff. it is about your ego and how not to let it get in the way. it is about doing things you really did not think were possible, but not by being grandiose. you have to be realistic. if you dream too hard, you will lose. if you dream just enough, and you have one foot solidly in the reality of who and what you are at the most basic of levels, and you know what you can ask of yourself and what you cannot, then you might succeed.
and here i am, halfway along the road...and it still seems daunting, not quite possible and i wonder to myself how i am going to do this??? i don't know...but i am far enough along the road that going back is not possible, yet going further is still quite frightening. and there are quite a few demons, angels and buddhas on the horizon
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Eva's Story
watching this short video about this brave little girl i was moved to tears. i have a daughter. it activated some of my worst fears in life, and also some of my most noble ideals about what it means to be human. it centered me. it reminded me of what i have been through and what it means to battle through cancer. in some ways, it made me regret moments on this blog when i have been less than perfect, when i have used profanity, been negative. but then again, i don't regret those moments, they are honest depictions of who i am and what i am going through along this road.
my road to penticton is, for sure, narrow, steep, challenging, and full of myself. eva's story lifts my spirits with the hope that my road can mean something more.
please donate generously to the leukemia and lymphoma society of canada
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