The Dharma Road

I am not sure what to write, but i felt i should write something. this is it. tomorrow is ironman.
part of me can't believe it is actually going to happen.

i am not sure what i feel. anxious, yes. afraid. a little. excited. of course.
but none of these words really describe what it feels like. part of the issue is the unknown. this is my first ironman. i don't really know what it feels like. i am not really sure what to expect. i will be pushing the limits of my endurance farther than ever before. i feel a certain sense of lingering, of wanting it to start, of dreading it to start, but dreading these hours before the race more than anything. i feel a bit nauseous. not really, but existentially so.

i think i know what i want to say, or at least part. i want to say that i am almost as afraid of the race being over as i am of it finally being here. there is the unknown of what tomorrow will bring, but greater unkowns loom in the horizon. and that is good. an open road is better than a driveway. at least most of the time.

i suppose it is always like this when you invest so much into something. i wonder what ancient dudes felt like the night before a planned battle.

the town is alive with the hype of the race. it is seething with triathletes. it really is like a pilgrimmage. all these people in one place, for one purpose. doing the same things, the same rituals. the vibe is pretty cool. the volunteers are amazing. everything is smooth and well organized.

i have layed low with the family. we have gone to the beach every day. my daughter has had a great time playing in the backyard where we are staying. we have discovered her singing talents. she sings barbara streisand particularly well...in babyish.

so, there is so much  happening to do with the race, and not to do with the race. it is an intense time in my life.

so this is it for my blog. a race report will follow tomorrow and that will be it. sad. but then life will go on and there will be more stories, more roads. or maybe the same one. the dharma road. oh my, i will end this blog for now with a reference to keruoac. one of my favorite writers. and tomorrow, i will be on the road. and the day after also. and the day after that...