it was the 12 days of taper and my true love gave to me...a diaper with a poo

Ironman Canada is in 12 days.

this is not the twelve days of christmas.

this is the 12 days of: i am stressed. how will i do this? i have trained enough, i haven't trained enough. the ironman is a monkey on my back. how do i please this monkey? what will be it be like to change the baby's sleep zone by 3 hours? will i be f-cked beyond imagination by the sleep issues of the baby? what will the last 10k feel like? i remember running the marathon. my hamstrings were ropes waiting to burst. what if i feel like shit? what if my taper makes me fat and feeling like shit? what if i ride too hard? what if i run too hard at first? and other things i can't mention....

this is the 12 days of neurotic frickin shit, i can't wait for race day. the build up is killing me. the taper is killing me. the aches and pains from nowhere are killing me. the built up fatigue is killing me, and most of all, my dread of it all being over is killing me.

this road is getting short. but it has been long, and fun, and ...well never, mind, but....i am looking forward to penticton, to the beach,the mountains, atmosphere of my first ironman. i am excited. and afraid.

and as the race gets closer i  have inevitably encountered some of my  deepest demons of sobotage and self-doubt. well, f*5k them.  i wont' deny they are there, i won't deny their role in my past, but they can see the door to their exit from my present. good riddance.

deep fears of self sabotage should stay deep where the sun don't shine. i am going to believe. i am going to keep being consistent. i am going to do my best to be an ironman.

and if anyone reads this who has not donated to the lls, please do, i am really close to my fundraising goals. it would be nice to get there.